a cozy writing vlog sharing my process, insecurities &…

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hi hi everybody and welcome back to a new vlog on my channel this is going to be my first ever writing vlog i am sort of nervous because it really feels like by putting out a writing vlog i’m making it like so official that i’m working on a project that i’m writing a book it just makes it feel very real and i’m like scared people will come like haunt me like oh my god you were writing a book right what is happening to the book and then like me in the future will be like i don’t know i’m still working on it like i’m it feels like a commitment and i’m not great with commitment so far there’s room to learn and i think that’s also why i kind of want to start making writing vlogs to sort of inspire myself and like push myself a bit more to do actual writing like don’t get me wrong i have been writing and i am writing but i think this would be an extra like help to get me writing or something of the sort it’s thursday night and i was supposed to be writing today but i didn’t but i did work on other things i just didn’t get to it which is a shame but you know it happens a person has to work and stuff so for those of you who don’t know me hi my name’s leora and i make videos on here about books and i also share bits of my life in vlogs and i also show like my illustration work i have a webshop where i sell art and bookmarks you can check out self-promo and i also write i write columns for a dutch feminist platform and i’ve published several on there they are kind of essays slash columns that talk about dating relationships feminism my life coming of age type of stuff becoming an adult you know adulting i’ve also had some classes in fictional writing i am following classes at the writer’s guide to the galaxy in the ultra dom which is really cool and currently i’m in a writing group so there’s all sorts of different writers and we support each other and help each other through the writing process it’s really really nice i love doing it it’s so inspiring it’s been teaching me loads and loads of things i’ve been rewriting for the first time in my life i absolutely despise it but you know i’m learning lots of things so it’s okay so currently i am working on a sort of essay collection that bundles some of the essays i’ve written over the years just like non-fiction things that i’ve written about my life and i would really like my essay collection to just sort of reflect me as i am now and the things i’ve learned so far and to be very calming of age but also very funny look at the heartbeats of life like the things i’ve been through but also be funny and relatable so far it seems to be going pretty well according to the feedback i’ve had in the writing groups it is very difficult though when for the first time you’re rewriting your work and you’re like looking at it in a different way and you’re sort of learning to be critical of yourself but that doesn’t mean immediately that you’re a horrible writer and you should quit which is something i tend to think about myself sometimes because like a lot of these authors in these writing groups are just so good like i feel like i don’t compare to them but that’s just insecurity as well i would also just really like for this project to turn out pretty artistic to like also work my illustrations into it and maybe even make it multimedia but like i’m really not at that point yet so i’m just writing for now for those of you who don’t know i am dutch so this is all being written in dutch as well if i ever publish it in dutch i would love to also publish it in english so i can you know share my work with you guys as well if you don’t speak dutch but that’s all very much in the future like i don’t know how i’ll publish it with whom i’ll publish it in what way i’ll publish it like i’m just i’m writing now that’s what i’m focusing on and it’s it already feels so scary to be doing this and to be like sharing it with the world but at the same time it feels so good like deep inside of me this just feels so right i just i feel like an idiot trying to explain it but i’m just so passionate and happy and i love writing and i just i’m excited so like i said i was supposed to be writing today i’m currently rewriting an essay about my first kiss it’s embarrassing it’s horrible but it is so fun to write um one of my biggest issues up to date has been that i sort of have an idea and then i blur about a whole lot of writing and it just doesn’t really have a structure so i’m now really working on giving it a structure and just making it better but i’m really struggling with it and i have been struggling with it but first before i really get into writing i’m gonna make myself some dinner because i’m starving and it’s late already so yeah let’s get to it [Music] hi i’ve grabbed a cup of tea and i’m ready to go and write so i did have dinner and have watched some tv and now i have this really cute mug that i designed for booger street and you should definitely check it out i’ll put a link in the description sorry for the amount of self-promo in this i just yeah i did not um make this spoon my mom did so it’s also very cute in this mug i feel like it fits the theme anyway writing i really need to get used to writing vlogs and maybe this these type of vlogs will be set at my desk a lot more i don’t know that i have my setup ready my keyboards my laptop and so my writing teacher from the writing group was supposed to send me like an outline so i could put my piece that i’m working on about my first kiss sort of into the outline but she hasn’t emailed it to me yet so i’m going to check the drive whether maybe we should put it in there we have a drive with the writing group where we put all of our works in and we also will get feedback i can show you what the feedback looks like in a bit um on this same piece that i was rewriting as well last week okay so she did put notes in here lots of notes actually she’s like all of this could be better but that you know that’s teaching me a lot and she’s a great author so i’m very grateful to her and to be taught by her she also put a lot of positive notes on it so that’s very encouraging she already rewrote a bit for me okay but no she didn’t put it in here i guess she’s just having a really busy week so that’s okay um so i guess what i was thinking then i don’t really feel confident to do it on my own i know that’s a bit ridiculous but i just i feel like she might have had some really good ideas for this piece and how i could like structure it better okay so let me just tell you a little bit about this piece so it’s basically it started as a piece about all these different rooms throughout my life and that was an assignment that the teacher gave me because i was getting kind of stuck with rewriting my other pieces she gave me the assignment to write about different rooms throughout my life so i wrote about my childhood room i wrote about the classroom of my elementary school i wrote about some rooms in high school the room with my best friend stuff like that and i really loved writing that it was very nostalgic it brought back like a lot of memories it was very interesting as i was writing that piece i kind of arrived at the room of my first ever boyfriend and you know that was a train wreck of a relationship to me like i think to him it wasn’t it was like a sort of a blip which is fine and then i started writing like about our first kiss because that happened in my room first there was like an attempt an attempt was made a kissing in my room but i was scared and i did like this while he was attempting to kiss me it was embarrassing so embarrassing and then he tried again when we were in his room and so i was writing about that and about the contrasts in our rooms and then i sort of got on this theme of like like losing a little bit of that innocence that you have in childhood as you become more of a teen always feeling like you’re left behind so feeling sometimes as if your body is further along than you are you know your body already wants to kiss people your body is discovering its sexuality and you’re just like i’m not ready for any of this and i felt like that very constantly throughout puberty but even as a child like i remember in elementary school and in middle school i would feel like if i were just a few grades back i could get along perfectly and i would know what to do in social situations like it was not that i couldn’t get along academically it was more so like i felt like i was just ill-prepared for actual life so that was another theme um that i thought i found in that piece and let me show you just a bit so sometimes i print out my pieces and i put notes on them and i also have done that with feedback that i got from the writing group so i’ve printed out the piece with my notes like i wrote it myself and then i’ve printed out my p’s with the notes from class from my classmates because all the classmates like all the other people in the writing group all the other authors also give you notes and then i added like my own notes back onto the feedback again and i did that too with the teacher’s comments i think these are actually the other authors comments and those were the teachers comments and that way i got a better idea of where i wanted to go at the piece so that was very helpful although i i do really have to get used to like rewriting bits and pieces and making it better i’ve just never done that before so it’s definitely a process like i have rewritten pieces before but never this rigorously you know i guess this is just part of the progress and i’m definitely becoming better so that’s great so from here on out i started to focus the piece more on like that first kiss and like the contrast between my room and his room and the way i felt after that first kiss and that feeling of loss of innocence and you know sort of that coming-of-age feeling and i wrote a pretty big piece but then it was still not very structured so that was what i was planning on working on now like i said already i have some ideas to structure it but i feel like they’re not good maybe i could dig up an old piece of me and then see if i can restructure that i feel like i already feel like i’ve accomplished something when i’m just writing for a bit so i guess i’m gonna do that i really hope these writing vlogs are interesting to you guys because i feel like it will be a lot more talking than my usual vlogs and i know you guys love the montages so yeah we’ll see let’s get to writing [Music] so [Music] [Applause] [Music] hi i’ve been writing and i’m tired sorry i think i’m going to go to bed my planning has changed a little bit for tomorrow i’m going to see a friend in amsterdam and we’re going to get some breakfast together and then maybe when i get back home i can do some more writing because i do really want to put some hours into this so what i’ve done tonight i’ve just written on in this piece that i wrote about friendship in which i’m detailing like different friendships i’ve had over the course of my life i sort of wanted to write about the way making friends changes as you get older because like the dynamic is very different when you’re a child you just walk up to another kid and you’re like hey do you want to be besties and then you’re like besties for life and when you’re an adult it can be a lot more complicated especially if you um you know if you’ve graduated and you live on your own and look down but this ended up just being a detailed written piece about different friendships i’ve had i keep doing this i need to have structure um yes so i want to go and structure this piece and make it into something that is like sort of has a good start and an ending and like is a whole thing you know has a satisfying conclusion as well but i was like in order to write that i should first just like just write it out you know write out all the ideas i have right now it’s all over the place it’s definitely a process i just keep wondering like does this happen to other writers or am i just messy and like nah i do knows it just makes me really exciting to be working on this all and it also makes me really excited to be talking to you guys about this although it also kind of makes me nervous but i feel really happy and like yeah i’m really excited for this project my planning is to hopefully work on this a little bit tomorrow but maybe also analyze some essays that i thought were really good and look at like the structure those authors put into those to just sort of like learn a bit and analyze a bit when i’ve written this out maybe try to put this into a structure and otherwise the piece about the first kiss well it’s quite late now so i’m off to bed but yeah i’ll see you tomorrow hopefully [Music] so [Music] so [Music] hi it’s now tuesday and i’m not really sure where we left off on the last clip but my writing course is tonight and i also need to read all of the other participants work so i’m gonna get to that in a bit i did write a bit more in the last clips i showed you guys i still haven’t finished the piece on friendship and i definitely haven’t structured any pieces yet but it’s okay i’m just happy that i’m writing and i’m making progress i’m trying to not be too hard on myself because it’s like difficult enough making the combination of doing this next to all of my other work i did hear something from my teacher she said she was very busy indeed um she’s moving she’s going to send me an outline for after the class so i can try and structure the piece on my first kiss and then maybe afterwards also the piece on friendship when i’ve got feedback from all of the other writers and the teacher as well then i can incorporate that whilst i’m working on the structure of the story so that would be brilliant talking about brilliant things i also want to do some research in the upcoming months um on how to write a good essay by looking at the structure of other essays that i really enjoyed i think i already talked about this a bit in the other clip so i want to show you guys some of the essay collections i want to use for inspiration and to look at and if you have any suggestions for me definitely let me know in the comments down below so we have brilliant brilliant brilliant brilliant brilliant by joel colby um i haven’t finished this i’m on page 105 but he structures his essays in very specific ways like there’s one essay that just is a list of all the ways he’s plotted to kill his landlord because he’s had so many shitty landlords but the essay i want to look at the most is the first one which is called things you only know when both your parents are dead and what i really like about this essay is that it’s such a difficult subject but it’s still really really funny so like the one page you’ll feel like you have to cry and then the other page you feel like you’re like just laughing out loud and it’s really really hilarious so that balance is so well done and i want to like inspect it closer and see like how the structure works so that’s a good assignment and then i also have how do we know we’re doing it right by pandora psych’s essays on modern life haven’t read this but i am planning on paging through it and maybe reading a few essays to see whether i can be inspired by the structures in this book and then of course i also have i feel bad about my neck and other thoughts on being a woman by nora ephron and it has an introduction by dolly elderton um i know that dolly ellerton is really inspired by nora ephron and they love dolly ellerton and so if nora ephron is the blueprint i should get in on that um so i’m really interested in reading a few of these and seeing how they are structured and how they work so those are some of the essay collections i’m looking at myself right now although i really want to try and order some of indie publishers and maybe self-published as well that also have some more illustrations in them and maybe are a bit more creatively like just a bit more all over the place but maybe that’s something for later on in the process and now i should just focus on the actual writing i’m going to head off to my computer to write on a bit [Music] [Laughter] [Music] so i’m reading the work of the other authors in the group all of it is really good um it’s always really inspiring to see what the other ones are writing even though a lot of them are working on things that are very different from my project but one of them is currently also writing an essay which is also sort of about her love life and a love affair gone wrong and it’s just it’s so good and it’s it’s so inspiring to me it just makes me want to rise again but at the same time it’s really difficult sometimes to not compare yourself especially if the other ones are writing similar things like similar themes but yeah it’s just really good it has some absolutely beautiful prose and just leave all comments on each other’s stories little bits and feedback but also like positivity things when we like it and stuff when we think it’s beautiful and i just want to like there’s so many sentences where i just want to add a comment that’s like this is so gorgeous this really hits home oh my god you know this is so funny same i also just noticed that someone else uh wrote an erotic story for this week so i’m really interested in seeing where that’s gonna go having a great time [Music] so [Music] do [Music] [Laughter] [Music] hi so i’m here to give the final and last um update i wanted to say reading updates but this is a writing vlog so today i did quite a lot of work which i’m really happy about so basically i have analyzed three essays although i’ve looked through a couple more but i haven’t like properly analyzed them um i’ve written down some things about those essays like the themes i saw the structure i saw and also the message i saw like portrayed in them and like the conclusion that they drew at the end it has really helped me to analyze some of my favorite authors essays and i also analyzed one of the essays of my teacher in the writing group yail vondarelda who’s an amazing writer and it was really cool to like analyze her essay this has all really helped me i feel to get along and structure my own pieces better i feel like yeah maybe i am procrastinating a bit by doing lots of research but also i did lots of research so who can blame me you know and i actually already got like fresh ideas for new pieces out of this and like ideas to structure old pieces as well i wrote those down too so it feels like i’ve been very productive and i’m just generally really happy about this i love that i’m able to share this process with you guys now and i really hope you enjoyed it too and yeah i guess i’ll see all of you in a new video next time bye [Music] you

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